Have you ever been told to look on the bright side or see the glass as half full when you just wanted to vent? That’s toxic positivity rearing its ugly head. While it may come from a place of caring, it can leave you feeling invalidated.
In this post, we’ll explore some of the key causes behind toxic positivity so you can understand where it comes from and how to address it in a thoughtful way. With self-awareness and compassion, we can create space for the full range of human emotions.
Table of Contents
What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity refers to the belief that people should maintain an optimistic mindset at all times, even when facing serious life challenges or mental health issues.
It promotes denial and minimization. Those who preach toxic positivity imply that you should ignore difficult emotions and “just be positive”. But suppressing emotions is unhealthy and unrealistic. Life has ups and downs, and we need to process both positive and negative experiences.
It leads to feelings of guilt and inadequacy. If you can’t manage to just “be positive” during tough times, toxic positivity can make you feel like you’re failing or not good enough. But you’re not—you’re human. It’s normal to feel sad, anxious, or upset when facing difficulties.
It prevents authentic social support. Toxic positivity creates a culture where people feel they can’t openly discuss struggles or ask for help. But social support is vital to wellbeing. When we can be vulnerable with others, we build closer relationships and find comfort during hard times.
It ignores the realities of mental health issues.Feelings like depression, anxiety, grief, and stress are not things people can just “think positive” their way out of. Mental health issues require understanding, support, and sometimes professional treatment. Toxic positivity fails to recognize this.
While maintaining an optimistic outlook is healthy, toxic positivity takes it to an extreme. The key is finding balance—accepting both positive and negative experiences and supporting yourself and others through the full range of human emotions.
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What Causes Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. The process of embracing only positive emotions and rejecting anything that may evoke negative feelings can lead to this mindset. It’s often rooted in the belief that remaining positive will solve problems, regardless of the situation’s reality. This approach can invalidate genuine emotional experiences and discourage authentic expression of feelings, which is essential for healthy psychological coping and support
Cause #1: Avoiding Negative Emotions
Toxic positivity is often a way for people to avoid experiencing or acknowledging negative emotions. It’s human nature to want to escape discomfort, but denying “bad” feelings like sadness, anger or frustration can be damaging.
When we force positivity, we’re sending the message that it’s not okay to feel a range of normal human emotions. This can lead to feelings of shame, isolation and inadequacy in others. Everyone experiences ups and downs, so promoting the idea that we should be happy 24/7 is unrealistic and unfair.
Instead of dismissing someone else’s negative feelings, offer empathy and validation. Say things like “1 can understand why you feel that way.” or “It’s okay to feel sad/angry/etc. sometimes.” Allow others space to express themselves without judgment.
For yourself, don’t feel guilty for having negative emotions. They are a normal part of life and help us process events. Avoid negative ways of coping, like denial or aggression, but don’t force positivity either. Accept all of your feelings with self-compassion.
Toxic positivity often comes from a place of good intention. We want to cheer others up and lift their mood. But true positivity comes from accepting the full range of experiences, good and bad. Offer support without dismissing painful emotions. Your empathy and willingness to sit with discomfort will help create authentic, positive relationships.
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Cause #2: Suppressing Unpleasant Truths
When people face difficult realities, it’s human nature to want to push them away. Toxic positivity seeps in when people insist on focusing only on the bright side of things and ignore legitimately negative aspects of a situation.
Pushing aside unpleasant truths in favor of an optimistic facade may seem helpful in the short term, but it’s not a sustainable solution. The truth has a way of emerging eventually, and the longer it’s suppressed, the more damage it can do.
Refusing to Acknowledge Problems. If there are real issues facing a person or organization, refusing to admit them will only allow them to worsen over time. While optimism is admirable, it needs to be balanced with pragmatism. Acknowledging problems is the first step to solving them.
Feelings of inadequacy. When people feel obligated to project constant positivity, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Everyone experiences moments of sadness, fear, or frustration at some point. Forcing yourself to hide those normal human emotions in order to appear upbeat at all costs is mentally and emotionally exhausting.
Lack of Authenticity. Relationships and interactions that are built on a foundation of forced positivity often lack authenticity. While optimism certainly has its benefits, true emotional connections are built through sharing the full range of experiences – good and bad. Suppressing parts of yourself to fit a certain image ultimately serves no one.
The truth is, life contains both positive and negative elements, and both are equally valid parts of the human experience. Promoting an environment where people feel comfortable discussing both optimistically and realistically leads to the most genuine and productive outcomes.
Cause #3: Lack of Empathy
A third reason toxic positivity spreads is a shortage of empathy. When someone shares a struggle or painful experience, the ability to understand what they’re feeling can be lacking. Rather than saying something helpful like, “I’m sorry you’re going through that,” or “it’s okay to feel sad,” an unempathetic response is more like, “Cheer up!” or “Look on the bright side!”
Invalidating Feelings. Comments like these invalidate the other person’s feelings and imply there’s something wrong with experiencing negative emotions. But emotions like sadness, anger, and fear are a normal part of the human experience. Forcing positivity when someone is in distress often makes them feel worse, not better.
Discomfort with “Negative” Emotions. Some people have a hard time sitting with painful emotions, both their own and others. It makes them uncomfortable, so they try to push positivity to escape the discomfort. But shying away from life’s difficulties and putting on an perpetually upbeat front is not realistic or healthy. Pain is an inevitable part of life, and the ability to support others through difficulty is a valuable skill.
Rather than toxicity, true positivity comes from also making space for life’s challenges and painful moments. Having empathy for others and validating their experiences creates genuine connections and support. While optimism has its place, so do all the emotions that make us human. The next time someone shares a struggle with you, try listening with empathy and giving them space to feel however they feel. Your thoughtfulness will mean more than any hollow platitude.
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Cause #4: Fear of Judgment
Many people exhibit toxic positivity due to an underlying fear of judgment from others. They worry that expressing anything other than an overly cheerful attitude will lead to criticism or rejection. So they put on an act of constant positivity and happiness to mask their true feelings.
Perception of weakness. Some see showing negative emotions like sadness, anxiety or stress as a sign of weakness. They believe people will view them as incapable or unfit if they express these feelings. While this belief is misguided, it leads them to force positivity at all costs to project an image of strength and competence. Their self-worth becomes too closely tied to the perception of others.
Desire for acceptance. The desire to please everyone and be liked can fuel toxic positivity. People may go along with the cultural expectation to “be positive” at all times to gain social acceptance and avoid conflict. They tell themselves that everyone will appreciate their positive attitude, even if it’s not genuine. The reality is that masking your true self to please others usually backfires, leading to feelings of resentment, loneliness and a lack of authentic relationships.
Fear of Burdening Others. Another reason for toxic positivity is the fear of burdening others with your problems or “bringing them down” with your negative emotions. While it’s considerate to be mindful of how your words might affect others, true friends and loved ones want to support you through good and bad times. Forcing positivity often makes you feel more isolated in your struggles and prevents others from providing empathy and help. The healthiest relationships are based on openness, honesty and a willingness to share life’s ups and downs together.
To overcome toxic positivity, work on building self-confidence from within and surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are, imperfections and all. Focus on living authentically, not pleasing others or meeting unrealistic societal expectations of constant happiness and positivity.
Cause #5: Desire for Control
The world can seem chaotic and unpredictable, so some people cope by trying to control as much as possible in their lives. Unfortunately, this desire for control can extend to managing other people’s emotions and reactions.
Micromanaging Emotions. Those with a strong need to control may feel uncomfortable with emotional expression that they can’t manage. They prefer that everyone remain positive and upbeat at all times. Any expression of negative emotions like anger, sadness or stress is seen as threatening to their control and equilibrium.
Enforcing Positivity. To maintain control, these individuals enforce a policy of positivity and optimism, even when it’s not realistic or helpful for the situation. They reprimand others for expressing normal emotions and concerns, accusing them of being “negative” or “toxic”. In reality, it’s the enforcement of positivity that is toxic.
Lack of empathy. In their quest to regulate the emotions of others, these controlling individuals lose empathy. They become unable to understand why others don’t share their insistence on constant good cheer. They lack compassion for the challenges and hardships people face in life that can reasonably lead to moments of distress, doubt or sadness.
The desire to control life’s ups and downs is understandable, but trying to control other people’s emotional reactions and impose positivity is counterproductive and damaging. The healthiest approach is to accept the reality of life’s highs and lows, support others through good and bad times, and allow people space to process their feelings in their own way. Giving up the need to control emotions can be challenging, but it’s necessary for authentic relationships and well-being.
Cause #6: Low Self-Esteem
When you have low self-esteem, you tend to see yourself and your abilities in an unrealistically negative light. You doubt yourself and your self-worth, and have trouble accepting compliments or praise. Because you feel inadequate, you may adopt a “Take it till you make it” mentality, pretending to be endlessly positive in order to feel good enough.
Projecting Positivity. To compensate for feeling bad about yourself, you project an image of constant positivity, happiness, and success. You post curated snapshots of your life on social media, filter your photos, and only share the highlights. You pretend that everything is perfect in order to make others think you have it all together. The truth is, beneath the facade, you feel insecure and unsure of yourself.
Avoiding negative emotions. When you have low self-esteem, negative emotions like sadness, anger or disappointment feel threatening. You worry that if others see you struggling, they’ll realize how unworthy or inadequate you are. So you deny these feelings in yourself and criticize them in others. You tell people to “stay positive” or “cheer up” because their negativity makes you uncomfortable. In reality, all emotions are normal and human, but toxic positivity demands that we suppress them.
The constant need to project positivity and avoid negative feelings is exhausting. It prevents authentic relationships and personal growth. The good news is that you can build your self-esteem by practicing self-compassion, accepting yourself as you are, and surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are-imperfections and all. When you feel good about yourself, you won’t need to fake positivity or hide your struggles from others. You’ll be able to experience and share the full range of human emotions.
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Cause #7: Cultural Norms
Certain cultural values and societal expectations can contribute to toxic positivity. As social creatures, we have an innate desire to conform to the norms of our community and culture. However, some cultural standards promote unrealistic optimism and discourage honest expressions of negative emotions.
There is increasing pressure in our society to be happy and upbeat all the time. We are bombarded with messages telling us to “smile more” and “be positive.” While optimism and resilience have their place, continually masking negative feelings to meet some cultural standard of happiness can be damaging. Feeling pressured to smile and pretend to be cheerful when you’re struggling emotionally leads to feelings of inadequacy and isolation.
Cultural norms also tend to prize extraversion and outgoingness over introversion. Those who are more introverted or private in their emotional expressions may feel like they have to put on an act of positivity and enthusiasm to be accepted, even when they’re not feeling that way inside. The truth is that all people experience a range of emotions – both positive and negative. A healthy, well-adjusted person is able to embrace the full spectrum of human emotions.
Promoting balance and flexibility in our cultural attitudes is key. We need to make room for people to express themselves openly and honestly without judgment. Your true friends will appreciate you for who you are, ups and downs included. Focus on surrounding yourself with people who share your values of authenticity and vulnerability. Together, we can work to shift cultural norms to be more inclusive, compassionate and supportive.
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Cause #8: Excessive Optimism
Some people maintain an overly optimistic outlook that causes them to dismiss negative emotions and stressful life events. Excessive optimism, while admirable in some ways, can become problematic when it leads to toxic positivity.
When you’re excessively optimistic, you may believe that “everything will work out” or “stay positive” no matter what happens. This Pollyanna-ish view of life causes you to repress legitimate feelings of sadness, anxiety, or frustration. You feel like you always have to put on a happy face, even when times are tough.
Rather than actually dealing with difficulties in a constructive way, you gloss over them with a veneer of positivity. This avoidance and denial of challenges can prevent you from developing effective coping strategies. Life’s hardships won’t disappear just because you ignore them.
Excessive optimism may also lead you to minimize other people’s struggles in an attempt to cheer them up. Comments like “look on the bright side!” or “it could be worse!” are not actually helpful for someone going through a rough time. Your overly positive platitudes can seem dismissive of their pain and make them feel like their feelings are not valid or important.
To overcome excessive optimism, work on cultivating realistic optimism instead. Acknowledge life’s difficulties and your emotional reactions to them. Develop coping strategies to face problems head-on rather than avoiding them. Offer empathy and support for others rather than empty positivity. A balanced and pragmatic outlook will serve you much better in the long run.
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Toxic Positivity in the Workplace
Toxic positivity refers to the belief that people should maintain a positive mindset at all times, even when facing difficult life events. In the workplace, toxic positivity emerges when employers and managers insist that employees remain positive in the face of challenges, stress, or setbacks.
Rather than allowing space for employees to process difficulties, toxic positivity demands unwavering optimism and cheer. This can be damaging to individuals and company culture. Some reasons toxic positivity emerges in the workplace include:
- Pressure to seem “on brand.” Companies aim to project a positive image and upbeat brand. This trickles down to employees feeling they must also exude constant positivity.
- Discouraging open communication. Employees may feel unable to voice concerns, complaints or discuss problems out of fear of being perceived as “negative.” This stifles open communication and feedback.
- Unrealistic expectations. Demanding employees remain positive at all times fosters an environment of constant “good vibes only.” This places unrealistic expectations on people and dismisses normal human emotions.
- Avoid having difficult conversations. It’s easier for managers to insist on positivity rather than address underlying issues, have hard conversations or make meaningful changes. Toxic positivity is a way to sweep problems under the rug.
- Lack of work-life balance. Expecting employees to be “on” and upbeat all the time, even in their personal lives, leads to a lack of boundaries and work-life balance. People need space to experience a range of emotions.
Toxic positivity may seem like a good philosophy on the surface, but it creates a harmful work environment where authenticity is discouraged and real issues remain unaddressed. Promoting genuine positivity means also making space for challenges and a full spectrum of human experiences. A healthy work culture embraces this balance.
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Tips for Combating Toxic Positivity
To counteract the effects of toxic positivity, it’s important to set boundaries and stand up for yourself. Don’t feel obligated to go along with everything just to please others or make them feel better. You have a right to your own feelings, even if they’re not sunny and bright.
Speak up if someone dismisses your feelings or tells you to just “stay positive.” Let them know that you don’t appreciate them invalidating how you feel. Explain that emotions encompass the full range from positive to negative, and that’s normal and human. Don’t be confrontational, just matter-of-fact.
Don’t feel guilty for not being in a good mood. You’re not required to smile and pretend that everything’s okay 24/7. Take a step back from interactions that are harmful to your mental health. It’s okay to limit time with chronically positive people who can’t handle anything but cheerful discussions.
Practice self-care and be gentle with yourself. Make sure to engage in activities that help boost your own wellbeing like light exercise, meditation, journaling or art. Connecting to others who understand and support you can help combat the effects of toxic positivity. Talk to people who will listen without judgment and validate your experiences.
Spread awareness about toxic positivity to help others recognize this harmful behavior. Explain that it’s normal to feel a range of emotions, and that dismissing someone else’s feelings to force positivity is unhelpful. Promote balance and empathy. The more people understand this, the less toxic positivity can thrive.
Staying positive is good, but toxic positivity taken to an extreme can be damaging. It’s important to stand up for yourself and set clear boundaries. Don’t feel obligated to pretend that everything’s perfect when you’re struggling. With compassion for yourself and others, you can overcome the effects of toxic positivity.
Conclusion
So there you have it – the main reasons behind toxic positivity. While it may stem from good intentions, this type of forced optimism can actually do more harm than good. The takeaway is that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. Let yourself feel and process the full range of human emotions. Share your struggles with trusted friends who will listen without judgment. And be gentle with yourself and others.
Life can be messy and complicated. The goal isn’t constant happiness, but rather balance and growth. So next time someone tells you to “look on the bright side,” remember that the light includes both the dark and the bright. The clouds and sun coexist in harmony, as do our triumphs and trials.
References
- Pollyanna principle From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
- The Negative Impact Of Toxic Positivity In The Workplace by Jack Kelly
- 5 Ways To Avoid Toxic Positivity And Support Better Those You Care About by Luciana Paulise Dec 27, 2022,
- Toxic positivity From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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