You know when you just can’t see where someone else is coming from? Like their perspective is totally foreign to you? Improving your cognitive empathy skills can help with that. Cognitive empathy is about understanding another person’s mental state, even if you don’t feel the same way. It’s an important skill for healthy relationships and communication.
In this article, we’ll break down what cognitive empathy is, why it matters, and provide some simple tips you can start applying right away to boost your ability to understand other perspectives. We’ll look at how cognitive empathy differs from emotional empathy and why both are important. Mastering cognitive empathy takes practice, but improving this skill can strengthen your connections with others. Let’s dive in!
Table of Contents
What is cognitive empathy?
Cognitive empathy refers to your ability to understand how others feel by imagining yourself in their situation. It’s the capacity to comprehend someone else’s perspective and see the world through their eyes. Unlike emotional empathy, which involves sharing the emotions of others, cognitive empathy is about intellectually understanding what others might be thinking or feeling.
Perspective-Taking: A key part of cognitive empathy is perspective-taking—putting yourself in someone else’s shoes to understand their views and experiences. This involves imagining how the other person’s life experiences, values, priorities, and beliefs shape their thinking. Try to set aside your own assumptions and see the world through their lens.
Some ways to strengthen your perspective-taking skills are:
- Listen without judgment. Make an effort to understand rather than evaluate. Ask open-ended questions to learn more about the other person’s thoughts and feelings. Pay close attention to the context surrounding the other person’s actions or words. There are often many factors influencing people that we don’t see.
- Recognizing Emotions: Another aspect of cognitive empathy is learning to read emotions and recognize how others might be feeling. Look for emotional cues like facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. Make inferences about the other person’s emotional state based on the context and situation.
With practice, you can get better at identifying subtle emotional signals and understanding the nuances of how people express themselves. This allows you to respond in a caring, compassionate way.
While cognitive empathy takes conscious effort, the benefits to relationships and society make it worth developing. By honing your perspective-taking and emotion recognition skills, you can build deeper connections, reduce conflicts, and communicate in a more understanding and respectful manner.
Why Developing Cognitive Empathy Matters
Developing cognitive empathy—the ability to understand how others think and feel—is one of the most valuable skills you can cultivate. When you make an effort to see through another’s eyes, it opens you up to new perspectives and insights. Your relationships become richer as you gain a deeper understanding of what motivates and matters to the people in your life.
Broaden Your Perspective
It’s easy to get caught up in your own narrow way of thinking. But the world is filled with different beliefs, experiences, and values that shape how people see things. Exposing yourself to different perspectives helps combat close-mindedness and pushes you outside of your usual frame of reference. Try putting yourself in the shoes of someone with an opposing view or a different background than your own. What would make them see the world the way they do? This kind of mental exercise flexes your empathy muscles.
Strengthen Your Connections
When you understand what others care about and why they feel the way they do, you can forge deeper bonds and relate to them on a more meaningful level. Make an effort to listen without judgment and ask open-ended questions to grasp what’s really going on in someone else’s mind and heart. Your friends and loved ones will appreciate your compassion and sensitivity. Strong empathy is at the core of all healthy relationships.
Gain Insights Into Yourself
Developing empathy for others also gives you insight into yourself. By understanding different ways of thinking and feeling, you gain a broader context for examining your own thoughts and motivations. You may come to realize that your beliefs or behaviors stem from your unique set of experiences and that there are other equally valid ways of being in the world. This kind of self-reflection leads to wisdom, humility, and compassion.
Overall, cognitive empathy allows you to navigate life’s complexities and connect across divisions. Make developing this skill a lifelong practice, and you’ll find yourself growing in ways you never imagined. The more you understand others, the more you understand yourself.
How to Improve Cognitive Empathy
Unlike emotional empathy, which involves sharing an emotional experience with others, cognitive empathy focuses on understanding without necessarily feeling the same emotions. Here are some practical tips to enhance your cognitive empathy:
1. Active Listening: The Key to Understanding Others
To improve your cognitive empathy, start by honing your active listening skills. Active listening means giving the speaker your full attention and listening to understand their perspective and feelings.
Make eye contact and pay attention to body language. Maintaining eye contact and noticing the speaker’s body language and tone of voice can provide insight into their emotional state. Nod to show you’re engaged and paying attention. These visual cues help you better understand the full context of what the speaker is saying.
Avoid distractions and judgment. It’s easy to get distracted by technology or your own thoughts and opinions. Make an effort to avoid checking your phone or planning what you’re going to say next. Also, try not to make judgments about the speaker or form opinions before they’ve finished speaking. Keep an open mind.
Ask follow-up questions: Ask questions to make sure you understand the speaker’s point of view and experience fully. Questions also show the speaker that you care about what they’re saying. Say something like, “Can you tell me more about that?” or “What was that experience like for you?”
Reflect on what the speaker shared: After the conversation, reflect on what the speaker shared and try to imagine what it feels like to be in their position. Think about what’s important or meaningful to them based on what they said. Putting yourself in the speaker’s shoes in this way builds empathy and compassion.
Thank the speaker for sharing: Expressing gratitude for someone opening up to you strengthens your connection and builds trust. Say something like, “Thank you for sharing that with me. I really appreciate you trusting me enough to be so open.” Letting the speaker know you value what they shared will encourage deeper conversations in the future.
With regular practice, these active listening techniques can become second nature. Make the effort to engage in meaningful conversations with friends, family, and even strangers. Your empathy and ability to connect with others will grow in no time.
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2. Ask Open-Ended Questions to Encourage Sharing
To strengthen your cognitive empathy, ask open-ended questions that encourage others to share details about their experiences, perspectives, and emotions. Ask follow-up questions to make sure you understand them fully.
What has your experience been like? Ask broad questions like, “What has this experience been like for you?” or “How did that make you feel?” These types of open-ended questions give people the chance to share as much or as little as they’d like about their thoughts and feelings. As they share, listen without judgment and ask follow-up questions to make sure you understand their perspectives and experiences accurately.
How can I better understand your perspective? If you want to dive deeper into someone’s perspective, ask clarifying questions like, “How can I better understand your perspective here?” or “What else would help me gain insight into how you see this situation?” Let them know you genuinely want to understand their point of view and ask them to share more details. The more you understand their perspective, the more your cognitive empathy will grow.
What has your experience taught you? Ask people what they have learned from their experiences. Questions like “What has facing this challenge taught you?” or “How has this shaped your views?” help you gain valuable insight into how their experiences have impacted their thoughts and beliefs. Our experiences shape us, so understanding what someone has gained from their experiences helps you build empathy.
The best way to improve cognitive empathy is by learning from the experiences and perspectives of others. Taking the time to ask open-ended questions, listen without judgment, and gain clarification shows you care to understand them fully. Make a habit of engaging people in deeper conversations using open-ended questions. Your empathy will expand as you gain exposure to more perspectives.
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3. Practice Perspective-Taking to See Their Point of View
Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is key to improving your cognitive empathy. Make an effort to understand other people’s perspectives, experiences, and motivations. This helps you gain insight into why they think and act the way they do.
Listen Without Judgement: When someone is sharing a story or experience with you, practice active listening without passing judgement. Try to understand their feelings and point of view, even if you disagree with them. Ask open-ended questions to make sure you comprehend their perspective fully.
Imagine their circumstances: Consider what it’s like to walk in their shoes. Think about how their experiences, background, values, and environment shape their beliefs and behaviors. Try to imagine facing their challenges and circumstances. How might that impact your own thoughts or actions? Understanding the contexts that shape other people can help build empathy.
Seek to understand, not to agree. Your goal is to understand their perspective, not necessarily agree with it. You can understand someone’s point of view without supporting it. Make an effort to comprehend their reasoning and emotions, even if you remain unconvinced. Empathy is about understanding, not agreement.
With practice, putting yourself in other people’s shoes can become second nature. You’ll find yourself gaining insight into what motivates them and shapes their experiences. Your ability to understand different perspectives will expand, even those quite different from your own. And that deeper understanding breeds empathy and compassion.
So keep practicing perspective-taking. Make the effort to see through other people’s eyes. Your cognitive empathy will grow, and you’ll find yourself better able to connect with a wider range of people. And in today’s diverse, global world, that’s an ability worth cultivating.
4. Be Curious, Not Judgmental
Cultivating empathy requires an open and inquisitive mindset. Rather than making assumptions or snap judgments about others, approach each person with genuine curiosity.
When interacting with someone, ask open-ended questions to better understand their perspective and experiences. For example, instead of thinking, “This person is rude,” ask yourself, “Wonder what they have been through today?” This simple shift in mindset can help you respond with more patience, kindness, and empathy.
Try starting conversations with friendly questions like, “How’s it going?” or, “What are you up to today?” Listen without distraction and give the person your full attention. Pay close attention to their body language and tone of voice, not just their words. Look for opportunities to continue the dialogue and learn more about them.
With practice, you’ll get better at withholding judgment and seeing beyond surface appearances. Look for common ground and shared experiences you can relate to. For example, think about challenges you’ve both faced, like health issues, financial difficulties, or demanding jobs. This can help foster connection and make their experiences feel more relatable.
When you start to feel critical or judgmental thoughts arise, gently remind yourself to be curious instead. Take a few deep breaths and try to identify what’s really bothering you. Often, these feelings say more about your own insecurities and past hurts than the other person. Release those judgments and continue the conversation with an open mind and heart.
Curiosity and openness are habits that get stronger with repetition. Make it a daily practice to connect with others from a place of empathy and understanding. Your interactions will become more positive and meaningful, and you’ll gain valuable insights into people and situations that you might otherwise miss. With an attitude of curiosity, you can transform judgment into compassion.
5. Notice Nonverbal Cues for Deeper Insights
Body language provides important clues into someone’s emotional state and thoughts. Paying close attention to nonverbal cues is key to gaining a deeper understanding of others. Observe things like:
- Eye contact. When someone makes eye contact, it usually means they are engaged and interested in the conversation. Lack of eye contact can signal discomfort, deception, or boredom. Look for appropriate levels of eye contact that match the culture and context.
- Facial expressions. A person’s face is a window into their emotional state. Look for microexpressions—brief, involuntary facial expressions that reflect emotions like happiness, sadness, anger, or disgust.Recognizing these subtle clues can provide insight into how someone truly feels.
- Posture and gestures. The way people carry themselves physically relays information about their mood and attitudes. Relaxed, open posture usually means someone is comfortable. Crossed arms can indicate defensiveness. Pay attention to hand gestures as well, as these complement speech and often reveal unspoken feelings.
- Tone of voice. Listen for changes in tone, speed, and volume, which can indicate shifts in emotion. A tense, clipped tone may show anger or anxiety. An upbeat, lively tone usually means excitement or happiness. Volume also provides clues, as a loud voice can reflect enthusiasm or aggression, while a soft tone may show calmness or hesitance.
By observing these signals and intuitively interpreting them, you can gain a deeper understanding of the thoughts and feelings of others. Look for congruence between verbal and nonverbal messages. When words and body language align, you can feel more confident that you are grasping the full meaning and emotional landscape of a conversation. With practice, reading people through nonverbal cues can become second nature.
6. Don’t Make Assumptions; Check Your Biases
To improve your cognitive empathy, make an effort to recognize and challenge any assumptions or biases you may hold. We all have implicit biases, whether we realize it or not. These biases are shaped. by our experiences, culture, and environment. Becoming aware of them is the first step to overcoming them.
Some common cognitive biases include:
- Confirmation bias: We tend to favor information that confirms what we already believe. Seek out information from different perspectives to get the full picture.
- Attribution bias: We make dispositional attributions about people’s behavior, overestimating personality and underestimating the role of the situation. Consider the context and other factors influencing a person’s actions.
- Anchoring bias: We rely too heavily on the first piece of information we receive (the “anchor”) and fail to sufficiently adjust for subsequent information. Try to consider each new piece of information objectively.
- Stereotyping: We make overgeneralized assumptions about groups based on gender, race, age, profession, and other factors. Recognize that there is diversity within groups. Judge individuals based on their own words and actions.
To overcome these biases, question your initial impressions and reactions. Try re-framing the situation from multiple perspectives. Ask open-ended questions to make sure you have the full story. Seek to understand differences in experiences, values, and motivations between yourself and others. We all have blind spots, so reflecting on your biases is an ongoing process of self-awareness and growth
Challenging biases and avoiding assumptions takes continuous effort and practice. But by making this a habit, you can strengthen your cognitive empathy and connect with others in a more meaningful way. Overall, be willing to consider alternative perspectives and focus on understanding rather than being understood. This shift in mindset can make a world of difference.
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7. Validate Their Feelings and Experiences
One of the most powerful ways to show cognitive empathy is by validating the other person’s feelings and experiences. Say things like:
- “I can understand why you feel that way.”
- “Your reaction makes sense, given what you’ve been through.”
- “It’s normal to feel that way in this type of situation.””
Repeating back to them what they said to confirm you heard them correctly also helps to validate them. For example, say, “It sounds like you’re feeling upset and frustrated because of how your boss has been treating you lately. Is that right?” When they affirm this, respond with empathy and validation, such as, “I don’t blame you for feeling that way. That would be really difficult to deal with.”
Give them Your Full Attention: Give the other person your complete, undivided attention when they open up to you. Make eye contact, avoid distractions, and be fully present in the conversation. Your body language and focus will convey that what they have to say is important to you. Ask follow-up questions to make sure you understand their perspective and experiences fully.
Acknowledge Their Challenges and Struggles: We all face difficulties, hardships, and struggles in life, though they differ for each person. To show cognitive empathy, acknowledge the specific challenges and struggles the other person has gone through or is currently facing. Say something like, “It sounds like you’ve been having a really tough time lately.” or “I can’t even imagine how difficult the last few months have been for you.” Recognizing their pain, suffering, or hardship will make them feel heard, seen, and understood.
Using these techniques to validate feelings and acknowledge experiences is one of the most powerful ways to convey empathy. When people feel heard, understood, and supported, it can help strengthen your connection and relationship. Make validating others through empathy a regular practice in your daily interactions and conversations.
How to Respond With Empathy in Difficult Situations
To respond in a difficult situations with empathy, you can try these:
- Listen carefully and stay focused. Avoid distractions and give the person your full, undivided attention. Make eye contact and nod to show you’re listening.
- Reflect on what they say back to confirm you understand. Say something like, “It sounds like you felt when it happened.” Ask questions for clarification.
- Acknowledge and validate their feelings. Say things like, “I understand that was difficult for you” or “That must have been really upsetting.” Name the specific emotion they seem to be feeling.
- Express empathy for their situation. Say something like “That sounds really hard” or “I can’t imagine how frustrating that must be for you.” Show that you can imagine how they might feel in their situation.
- Resist the urge to fix the problem or give advice right away, unless they explicitly ask for it. Just listening and showing empathy can be healing for them.
- Reassure them they’re not alone. Say something like, “A lot of people struggle with similar situations.” Let them know you’re there for support.
- Follow up after the difficult situation has passed. Check in to see how they’re doing and if they need anything further from you.
Signs You May Struggle With Cognitive Empathy
Some signs that you may struggle with cognitive empathy include:
- Difficulty understanding others’ perspectives and seeing things from their point of view. You may tend to only see situations from your own perspective.
- Focusing conversations on yourself and your own experiences instead of actively listening to others.
- Jumping in quickly to give advice or fix problems instead of listening and validating others’ feelings first.
- Making assumptions about what others are thinking and feeling without asking questions to clarify and confirm.
- Not noticing or acknowledging others’ nonverbal cues that indicate emotions like frustration, sadness, or anger.
- Having a hard time imagining how others feel in difficult situations that you have not personally experienced.
- Struggling to regulate your own emotions makes it harder to understand how others are feeling.
If you recognize these signs in yourself, there are steps you can take to improve your cognitive empathy. Practicing active listening, asking open-ended questions, acknowledging and validating others’ feelings, and imagining how they might feel in their situation—all of these skills can be strengthened with practice and deliberate effort. Focus on these skills in your daily interactions, and over time you’ll likely see an improvement in your ability to understand others’ thoughts and feelings.
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Conclusion
Improving cognitive empathy takes time, effort, and practice. But with deliberate exercises to strengthen skills like active listening, perspective-taking, and acknowledging others’ feelings, meaningful progress is possible over time. Focus on these skills in your daily interactions, and remember that small acts of empathy and understanding can make a big difference in the lives of those around you.
References
- How to Read Nonverbal Communication Cues: 5 Techniques, 4 Feb 2022 by Jeremy Sutton, Ph.D. from Positive psychology
- Empathy: How to Feel and Respond to the Emotions of Others By Sheldon Reid in HelpGuide
- What to Do If You or a Loved One Lack Empathy By Kendra Cherry, MSEd on November 06, 2023
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